littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
Kink discussion! TMI warning. )

What I'm asking is: if you primarily bottom, do you find "playing with" more (mentally, physically, or emotionally) tiring than "being played with"? If you primarily top, is it the opposite? If you're a switch, do you find that there's an energizing/de-energizing factor to either role, and does it change with different partners/at different times?
littlemousling: Dog in a dinosaur costume (dinosaur dog)
I started to create a poll for this, but it ended up with twenty options and I was still going. So I'm going to do a really simple version of the poll, and then you can all tell me all the possibilities I've left out. ;)

The poll is anonymous: even I can't see who voted.

Here's some questions to help you narrow down the issues: If someone causes someone else to orgasm by lightly stroking their arm, is that sex? If it's sex, is it sex for both people? If it isn't sex, what must the first person stroke instead (or will stroking never be enough)? If it IS sex, does lightly stroking the arm count as sex for someone who can't orgasm from that, but does get intense sexual pleasure from it? What about someone who just sort of likes it? What about sustained genital touching of someone who just sort of likes that? Intercourse where one or both people just sort of like it, and don't receive significant sexual pleasure from it?

(Obviously we can all say "if they say it's sex, it's sex!" and be done with the conversation, but let's put that aside for now--even if that's the eventual conclusion anyway, I think it'll be fun to see what ideas and definitions we can come up with.)

For the purposes of the poll, "significant sexual pleasure" means the kind of pleasure the person engaging in the activity would usually "top out" at--eg orgasm, a particular plateau level of pleasure, etc.

Poll #8511 What counts as sex?
This poll is anonymous.
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 43

NOT specifically for the purpose of determining "virginity," but generally, what constitutes "sex" to you? Please pick the closest answer

View Answers

Intercourse
1 (2.3%)

Genital touching (frot/scissoring, blowjobs/cunnilingus, and/or handjobs/fingerbanging)
4 (9.3%)

Genital or nipple touching with the intent of significant sexual pleasure
4 (9.3%)

Any touching with the intent of significant sexual pleasure
1 (2.3%)

Any act with the intent of significant sexual pleasure (eg flogging or feather-tickling to orgasm)
33 (76.7%)

None of these options are remotely like my definition
0 (0.0%)


(NB I am still not actually sure which answer to choose. So if you're having trouble, you are not alone! This is why I thought it would be interesting to talk about it.)

Oh, ffs

Oct. 7th, 2011 03:08 pm
littlemousling: Photo of rainbow-organized bookshelf with text reading, "Confirmed book addict." (books)
Because I keep seeing this, and it keeps pissing me off, here's what Maurice Sendak said about ebooks in a recent Guardian interview:

"I hate them. It's like making believe there's another kind of sex. There isn't another kind of sex. There isn't another kind of book! A book is a book is a book.


1. There isn't another kind of sex?
So ... what defines this singular kind of sex, then? Here's a guess: [redacted because [personal profile] sara pointed out in the comments that Sendak is openly gay--awesome, did not know that!]

Now that [personal profile] sara's pointed it out, however, I am about a thousand times more curious about what the actual fuck he thinks the "one kind of sex" is. Penetration? Two people having orgasms? Kissing and genital contact? No matter what, I'm still going with "uh, no, dude. Way more than one."

2. If there isn't another kind of book ... then ebooks are the same as paper books.
Logic fail much, dude? If there's only one kind of book, then ta-da, ebooks are that kind of book. Guess that was easy.

3. So what does he think about audiobooks? Books printed in Braille? Graphic novels?
Even leaving aside the enormous accessibility advantages ebooks can provide (ereader font size can be dialed up to "enormous"; the average ereader is much lighter than a hardcover and many are lighter than the average mmpb; they can be easily operated one-handed; etc), there have been lots of kinds of books for a very long time. His own most famous work isn't what most of us think of when we think about paper books: it's an oversized format, and notable for its images as much as for its words. So why exactly is he throwing stones, here?

4. Seriously, though, about that sex thing.
Just--no. No. No. No. No. No. As a dyke and a BDSM enthusiast and just as a person who likes experimenting with sex or even knowing that other people experiment with sex--there are unlimited kinds of sex, actually. Sorry about your life, Sendak, if you've only ever experienced one.
littlemousling: Yarn with a Canadian dime for scale (Default)
The only thing I have penis envy for is tit-fucking.
littlemousling: Still from a Cobra Starship video, shows Vicky-T with the caption "Feeling ... kinky" (kinky)
If you've been sort of thinking about maybe trying a TENS unit but don't know where to start, this one is $40 at Amazon and comes with everything you need (though you'll probably want to order some extra electrode pads, maybe in different sizes).

If you need, ahem, some kind of extra motivation to consider it, cf this incredibly NSFW video.

And I'm totally willing to answer questions about it (though, you know, no affiliation, no technical knowledge of the specs, etc).
littlemousling: Still from a Cobra Starship video, shows Vicky-T with the caption "Feeling ... kinky" (kinky)
So I was doing a little survey of my own porny fic, for, uh, no reason at all, and I realized that somehow I don't seem to have ever seriously written bruise-pressing as a featured kink. This Gabe/Travie has a reasonable bit of it, but not enough.

Seriously, this would be like [personal profile] cherrybina suddenly discovering she's never actually posted a story with jailbait kink. I am just saying, this is the kink that makes me glad I'm clumsy.

So yeah. Putting THAT on the to-write list.


In other news! Here, go leave a disparaging comment on this blog post about an incredibly racist wedding. Just please don't be the ones in the comments being all "how come we can call this racist but it's okay to say things about white people!" plz.

I am reading a fabulous book called Holding Still For As Long As Possible, which is VERY Toronto and very riveting and the main characters are a trans guy and three queer women, but it's not about that, it's about being in your mid-twenties and dealing with friendships and relationships and your career and money and neighborhood changes and roommates and mental illness and coffee and cigarettes and puppies. It's just fantastic.
(Non-genre lit, entwined-stories-style novel, 300pp, female author, Canadian, and I just now found out it won the Lambda Literary Foundation Award for Transgender Fiction, so.)

Finally, if you like Cascade yarns (and you know you do), their prices are going up on Friday due to rising costs. If you're thinking of stocking up ahead of that, I really can't over-recommend Cascade Heritage Silk (which is a ridiculously affordable 85% wool/15% silk 4-ply fingering-weight gorgeousness in a range of solids).
littlemousling: Yarn with a Canadian dime for scale (hello)
So in writing first-first time sex scenes (eg baby lesbians!), I am always thinking about the things that are surprising about sex versus masturbation (or versus not having any form of physical sex life).

I'm guessing that the things I found surprising are just a small proportion of the possible suprises. So, a question for y'all: what did you find surprising or unexpected, the first time you had sex with another person? Do you think other people (or characters) would be likely to feel the same surprises? Do you write first-first time stories, and if so, do you ever incorporate your own surprises into them?


My surprises, for reference )

Argh

Jun. 21st, 2011 05:37 pm
littlemousling: Image of the word "frak" (from Battlestar Galactica) (frak)
So the main flaw in my "post lots of kinky fic! Much better than eating ice cream as breakup techniques go!"* is that I am horny as FUCK. And less for sex outright than for BDSM, which is too bad as the first would probably be easier to come by if I were actually planning to go out in Manhattan and look for it.

Harrumph. Okay. Done whining. Back to writing.

Also, the fact that I don't have a TMI tag is clearly a triumph of denial over reality. Alternately it's because everything I post could be tagged TMI.


*tho lol, let's not kid ourselves, I'm eating ice cream too. Ice cream is DELICIOUS, okay.
littlemousling: Photo of Brendon Urie and Spencer Smith with a heart drawn between them (Spencer/Brendon)
There now exists, in the world, a picture of my girlfriend standing with Brendon Urie and Spencer Smith.*

I will clearly never need porn again.


*Also Dallon and Ian and [personal profile] amazonziti, all of whom I love! ... but will not be jerking off to.
littlemousling: Photo of rainbow-organized bookshelf with text reading, "Confirmed book addict." (books)
Just finished Ken Follett's Fall of Giants and started Tina Fey's BossyPants. I cannot possibly overstress how different these two books are. Basically, each features a mostly-white set of characters and each is written in English. That's about it. They're both absolutely riveting and I highly recommend them.

***

The older I get, the more I like my tits. I do understand that there's usually a point past which that starts to proceed in the other direction. I would make a "the other direction" pun now, except mine never pointed up to begin with (and honestly I've rarely met a pair that did, outside of magazine retouching and preteens and some porn. So really--is that a standard thing? I think we should stop pretending that's a standard thing).

***

I recently saw on my tumblr that someone of my internet acquaintance had posted a personal photo that was very like one that I have taken but would never post, for TMI reasons. I really liked seeing hers, mostly for the "me too!" feeling rather than any particular quality of the photo. It strikes me that I may not have the most common reaction to people telling/showing me intimate (eg sexual) details about their lives, because I just find sex really fascinating.

***

[personal profile] mistresscurvy and [personal profile] amazonziti are on an epic bandom concert roadtrip right now, and I can't join them until Saturday. I am 95% happy for them and only 5% jealous. Well, maybe 85/15.

***

I am really not at all a porn watcher; I've tried, but I just can't get into it (cf my recent outing to the Feminist Porn Awards). However, I ran across this post by [personal profile] marina and was curious enough to try the movie out, and I actually ended up watching the whole thing! That is super super weird for me. But it had a distinct narrative arc and I wanted to see what would happen. I even found it kind of a turn on in parts, so that was cool. Basically, if you like BDSM meta and you don't revile porn, you may enjoy it or at least find it interesting.

***

Taking Umbrella Academy Vol. 2 on the plane with me tomorrow, for the part when they make me put away my ereader. Which--come on. That is the most brick-like electronic device imaginable. And even if their actual reasoning is "nothing in the way if we have to flee the plane," I can drop that shit in an instant. My knitting, otoh, I am sure to get tangled in and die in the flaming wreckage, but do they stop me from working on a sweater? N they do not. Harrumph.

***

75/25. But I'm sure I'll be back up to at least 90/10 after a good night's sleep.
littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
From the kink/BDSM FONSAQ, prompt: What does 'headspace' refer to? I've seen it in some prompts above and it's not the first time I hear about it, but I don't really have a clue about what it means.

For disclaimers and a discussion of “flying," or endorphin-rush headspace, see Part One.
For an introduction to D/s headspace and the first two stages, see Part Two.
For what it's like being under, see Part Three.

The last stages )

Conclusions and a Few Resources )

If anyone has any other resource recommendations, please feel free to link them in the comments!
littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
From the kink/BDSM FONSAQ, prompt: What does 'headspace' refer to? I've seen it in some prompts above and it's not the first time I hear about it, but I don't really have a clue about what it means.

For disclaimers and a discussion of “flying," or endorphin-rush headspace, see Part One.
For an introduction to D/s headspace and the first two stages, see Part Two.

Stage three: Being Under )

Next up: coming out of D/s headspace, plus a conclusion.
littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
From the kink/BDSM FONSAQ, prompt: What does 'headspace' refer to? I've seen it in some prompts above and it's not the first time I hear about it, but I don't really have a clue about what it means.

For disclaimers and a discussion of "flying," or endorphin-rush headspace, see Part One.

Type two: D/s )

Next up, the main jazz: being under.
littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
From the kink/BDSM FONSAQ, prompt: What does 'headspace' refer to? I've seen it in some prompts above and it's not the first time I hear about it, but I don't really have a clue about what it means.

Now there's a meaty question! Luckily, someone else also claimed it, so I'm mostly going to ramble about what it can feel like, in two different situations. And because I am a long-winded person, four different posts.

Okay! So this won't cover everyone, and especially won't cover topping. But here are two possible headspaces, and what they feel like for me. I'll note that it's generally been my impression that my experiences with these are not (at all!) unique, but that nonetheless, this isn't meant to be a description of What Headspace Is For Everyone.

Type One: Flying )

Click for part two (intro to D/s bottom headspace, aka “subspace”)!
littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
For the Three Weeks for Dreamwidth FONSFAQ on BDSM/kink hosted by [personal profile] sassbandit, from the prompt here: "I'd be really interesting in reading about how people discover their particular kinks, whether it was a lightbulb moment or a gradual process, that sort of thing."

I said there and still think that this is the kind of topic that lots of people should post about, because it's really a question about how different people experienced the process. Therefore, I'm not going to try to cover the field; I'm just going to give a representative personal story.

Cut for mondo TMI (and hilarity, js) )

Like an apple falling out of a tree and hitting me on the ass )
littlemousling: Dragon's head with ship (from the Temeraire series) (temeraire)
So you know how [personal profile] astolat has that way of writing stuff, especially dubcon, where you're like "THIS SHOULD FEEL SO WRONG, SO VERY WRONG, BUT SOMEHOW IT DOESN'T BECAUSE SHE IS MAGIC"? Like. It should not work! Except that she is very deft and so it DOES.


So. Here is why having a fangirlfriend is awesome:

Me: [hilariously bad come-on]
Girlfriend: WHAT EVEN IS WRONG WITH YOU
Me: Whatever, baby, don't front, I am the astolat of dirty talk for you.
Girlfriend: ... I WISH THAT WERE NOT TRUE


(This paraphrase brought to you by elderflower cocktails.)
littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
So! I went to Toronto's sixth annual Feminist Porn Awards on Friday night, with a friend who loved last year's (she very much enjoys mingling with porn stars).

The crowd was awesome--it boasted the most queer women, and definitely the most genderqueer people, that I've seen in a long time. Most everyone had dressed for the event, one way or another, and it was basically a big feast for the eyes.

The awards ceremony, though, was ... weird.

Preface and description part. )

The weirdness part. )

Anyway. Those are my best theories, but I am kind of fascinated by my reaction, now. Anyone else have the experience of being seriously turned off by porn featuring things they love in fic and/or real life? What do you think makes the difference?

(PS I also find the production values a huge distraction and omfg do I ever wish they'd shoot on film instead of video. This is also why I can't watch Doctor Who. So there you go: the intersection of Doctor Who and porn. You're welcome. ;)

Sometimes

Feb. 21st, 2011 10:05 pm
littlemousling: Image of a pansy (flower) (pansy)
Sometimes--lots of the time, the last few years--I am so happy and fulfilled and overflowing with love that I can't stop smiling.
littlemousling: Cropped photo of Bebe Rexha, showing her (hotass) torso. The word "please" has been added. (bebe rexha)
Can I just say that having a girlfriend who insists that I be MORE of a pillow queen, else suffer the (awesome, consensual) consequences? Is awesome.

There's my happy goat-carcass day thought.

(Also she liked the flowers. \o/)

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